WARNING: RATHER UNPLEASANT MATERIAL FOLLOWS. READ AT OWN DISCRETION.

being mean to people online can be so satisfying.

i'm now wondering if i should get up and look for the mosquito that's been buzzing in my ear OR

realise the buzzing is actually some random person outside my house humming. hm.

damn. was in a very piss-kenneth-off mood today. and now i know why. KENNETH IS LUCIFER'S EVIL TWIN.

seriously. i mean, it's all there. they both:

1) try too hard to get us to like them
2) like to pat us on shoulders or other similar forms of body contact, as if we're great buddies or
something. (KENNETH IS HUMONGOUSLY GUILTY OF THIS.)
3) try to push some godforsaken idea across to us, when we really can't be bothered.
4) smile, in that oh-so-sickening way.
5) are very familiar with my name. TOO familiar.
6) talk in circles.
7) speak unsinglish english. by that i mean TRY to speak "the language of milton and shakespeare"

but end up with many fatal grammatical errors that make me wanna strangle them. e.g. lucifer's "apple-polishing". i forgot kenneth's. too many.

i wish kenneth was podgy and pillar-like (shape, not like pillar of strength. oh no no no.) too but sadly, he's skinny (thiock-like) and wears an everton shirt almost every week. OH.

8) bad dress sense. though lucifer is number one in that aspect. NO ONE can unseat her. (both literally and figuratively. i mean, would you even DARE to TRY to lift something of that size?)

like kenneth's terrible-looking girly sweater turned up at the wrists.

heck. they're so similar, they also both have a favourite "most responsive" pupil! lucifer's is probably *won't mention names* and kenneth's is that random gay guy who reminds us all most disgustingly of... *drumroll*... WAI KIT. yes. even away from sttd, i still cannot be rid of it.

gack.

so yes. today's cat class topic is COMMUNICATION IN THE FAMILY. wow. that's interesting. woot. does it sound like any particular lesson from school? *bells ring* why yes! is this not a close imitation of CLE? the very class lucifer so delights in? how wonderful!

kenneth gives long speech, during which he pauses often to tell me to shut up cos he can hear my commentary being whispered to janice. he says he's gonna ask some guy "yes or no" questions, then proceeds with, "how often does your brother go off for ns (or sth)?" and i say, "umm, yes? hello??? yes or no questions my ass."

he also decided to ask me why there are arguments in families by stuffing (i was about to use thrusting but it sounds so damn wrong) the mike under my nose while i backed away from it. i DISAPPROVE OF MIKES IN SUCH A DAMN SMALL ROOM. okay, granted, it looks slightly lab-sized but maybe cos there ain't much in it but DAMMIT KENNETH I DON'T WANT THE FUCKING MIKE. so i said that it's cos we all have different points of view or something but he had taken the mike away before the "or sth" and when he heard me say "or sth" promptly stuffed the mike back while i veered away towards janice and said, "yeah, that's all, nothing". GEEZ man.

anyhoo. break into groups. and THANKS ALOT BENSON cos benson wasn't here we had KENNETH to facilitate our discussion. whoopee. and guess what? he happily got me to write down what we discussed on the thickest sheet of butcher paper i have ever seen in my life, which i promptly tore. BY ACCIDENT. anyhoo. boring discussion. yadda yadda yadda. kenneth's main point, (which he basically repeated over and over aka point no. 6) is that we must make it a habit to have meaningful conversations with our family, which, due to the fact that it's a half hour of FORCED CONVERSATION, becomes somewhat like this:

kenneth: so how was your day?
mom/dad/whoever: boring.
kenneth: how so?
mom/dad/whoever: cos i do the same thing every day.
kenneth: which is?
mom/dad/whoever: talk to you, dammit.

then kenneth goes on to say that we can't have closed-ended questions, we must ask open-ended questions. rather than , "did you install the new cable vision (what the hell?)?" you say, "how was your day?" then janice, (YAY GO JANICE) interrupts with a very valid point. "but kenneth, "did you install the new cable vision can also be open-ended what." and i happily add that by saying "did you install etc" the replyer could go like, "no but do you remember the gay cable guy? and carlos? and the trial? and the serial gay-basher thing? and the fact that gabrielle said he was a jealous neanderthal?" i mean. does that LOOK closed-ended to you? we got the point, but hell, let's annoy kenneth anyway. he tries an open-ended question but mel answers with a monosyllabic word e.g. "no. FULLSTOP." followed by much agreeing from the group. then kenneth tries to demonstrate open-ended questions. he makes me "the parent" while he himself is the annoying teen.

kenneth: so how was your day?
me: bad. FULLSTOP.
kenneth: why?
me: cos it's boring.
kenneth: why is it so boring?
me (decides to give a parent-ish answer): don't ask so many questions, i'm very busy.

but kenneth is not deterred! he goes on about body language and all that shit and while janice is happily defying him (me in the supporting role, scribbling randomness on the butcher sheet). at one point he mentioned he had a girlfriend. i started coughing and HE PATTED ME ON THE BACK while saying that, "you're not my girlfriend, why are you the one coughing?" WTH? but refuting kenneth, or arguing with him, is just like arguing with lucifer. or talking to a brick wall. same difference. they absolutely refuse to admit that FACE IT, you're WRONG, your students are SMARTER than you are/they hate your guts/they're bored to death. HE MADE ME KEEP THE DAMN BUTCHER SHEET. anyhoo.

later, when we were done with our "productive" discussion, as kenneth so hoped it would be, he came up to me, patted me on the back AGAIN, and said, "thank your for volunteering to write everything down, melissa." i told him that HELLO, i didn't exactly volunteer, you made me. he also went to janice, patted HER on the back and thanked her for participating and sharing her ideas. and janice was all, "HUR. UM. right." geez. even BEFORE cat class, i made the mistake of asking whether i was supposed to go upstairs or not cos kenneth grabbed me by the shoulders from behind and propelled me to the staricase, saying, "no, you don't GO upstairs, you WALK upstairs." and giggled. WTH?? from now on, cat classes are to be spent pissing kenneth off. mhm. wonderful. oh. and. in a sudden fit of righteous cynical anger, i wrote some shit on the butcher sheet (shit. sheet. hm.) about how i thought what he was saying was crap (in a nicer tone, of course). i am so screwed next week. WOOT. maybe he'll like, get me kicked out of cat class. then i'll never get confirmed! how delightful!

in that same fit of righteous anger, i tried to do some math but was foiled by huiling's calculator. correction. huiling's FRIEND'S calculator. nearly threw the thing across the room. sent huiling 5 smses telling her to buy me a new calculator by monday last block. almost told her to keep her lame ass excuses to herself but managed to stop myself. GAHH. bad bad mood. but hell, she DOES get on my nerves. if you read this, huiling, please don't go commit suicide or anything. honestly darling, i'm not worth it. go bitch to rachel or something. then you can both happily glare at me every ld session, while i cry in my little corner all alone. i can just see it now. whew. poor little sad mel. all because huiling refuses to talk to her anymore. awwwwwww. then i'll go into depression and throw myself from the school roof. WOOHOO. GAHHHHHH. feeling so bitchy now. needs. to. throw. things.

breakable. things.

spent thurs and fri either feeling like throwing up, shitting, or sleeping. or the most popular combination: all three at once. missed much log. GAHHHHHHHH. DAMNNNNNNNN. i hate it when i can't do math. math is like. the one thing i can be SO SURE I'M GOOD AT. and when i can't do math. i just. can't take it. never, ever, let me approach you when i don't understand a fundamental math concept. i'll either scream at you, throw something at you, or burst into tears. believe me, my dad has had enough of that.

WTH WHAT CHINESE HOMEWORK. *bombards poor helpless kellynn* GAHHHHHHH. gets more worked up. i am SO gonna burst a vein one day. GGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. thanks aLOT kellynn "omg this guy's a lana fan MY SHIP WILL NOT SINK" khor. i'm SORRY. i am, for some GODFORSAKEN REASON, going nuts.