i am in DEEP SHIT. i am in lucifer's BAD BOOKS, not like hell as any others. and, like sarah so eloquently put it, "she is SO gonna screw you over."

ahem. as you may or may not know, i was so fortunate as to bump into lucifer on the staircase during lunch on tuesday as i was going up to the third floor to refill my bottle. i was starting up from the landing midway between the third and second floors when whose voice should i hear but the lovely, melodious, oh so grating screech of dear dear lucifer.

lucifer: "ah, just the one i was looking for."

mel groans inwardly. mel looks up, then wishes she hadn't, for who should be standing on the third floor landing but LUCIFER, devil incarnate. mel obediently walks up to her, avoiding eye contact.

lucifer: "melissa (in that OH SO SICKENING WAY), could you remind the class to bring their report *pause* files tomorrow?"

mel: "oh. yeah. okay. umm. and. (wants to ask if she'll print timetables. also RESISTS URGE TO SLOUCH ON RAILING. i at least have that WEE bit of damned RESPECT. mel instead stands straight with hands folded demurely in front of her.)"

lucifer looks hard at mel with that ever so lovely hollywood smile of hers.

mel: "will you be printing it for us? (because mel has no idea how many changes there are)"
lucifer (looks at mel with incredulity): "print?? there aren't any very drastic changes, right?"

mel is clueless.

mel: "um. i haven't checked it yet. (offers explanation) i mean, yesterday instead of ss we had philo, but today's timeteble is the same, i don't know about tomorrow."
lucifer: "well i don't think there are any drastic changes, right? so i don't need to photocopy for you all, right? (as is her nature, lucifer ALWAYS avoids printing stuff for us if she thinks we can spend the money at the SUPER DAMN SLOW COS OF THAT STUPID NEW WOMAN photocopy shop.)"

mel concedes.

mel: "okay, then."
lucifer: "so, remind the class ah."
mel: "yeah. sure."

exeunt

that incident was quickly put aside as mel informed what was left of the class as to the bringing of the file. the next day, lucifer came in late for cle. not that anyone was complaining. she asked us what we thought about the whole lsl thing. she gathered opinions that became gradually repetitive because we all thought the same thing, and she vehemently agreed to everything we said. that may seem short but i put it here much more succintly than she would ever manage to. she's like quah in that way. every time we try to decide what time to meet for rehearsal she'll go this tremendous roundabout, before finally understanding the point we were driving at all the while, wasting an hour of my life in the process. so. lucifer spoke in circles, dee asked if this was going anywhere, whether we were gonna talk to mdm yeo lay cos lucifier was technically talking to the wrong people. WELL PUT DEE. but she didn't get the hint. after about 20 minutes wasted, she went on to the class values. half the class (me included) went, "what values". some remembered the lame "rate your values!" cle survey she based our class values on. HERR. honesty, respect, responsibility and. umm. enthusiasm or something. anyhoo. asked us if we were upholding the values. i had absolutely no idea, but these values weren't much to work towards anyway, most of us embody the values subconsciously already. then she started talking about RESPECT, and how it can "ONLY" be shown through whether you greet the teacher or not. and THEN. to my absolute surprise and disgust, she said (in that sickening sweet drawn-out whine);

lucifer: "MELISSA didn't greet me yesterday, when she saw me. is that a sign of respect?"

practically every single person turned around to look at me. i sit at the back, and i KNOW that everyone is looking cos suddenly instead of a sea of black hair you see faces, and skin. i was all, "WHAT? WHO?" and then, after recovering, "BLOODY HELL!" like. WAH LAO. she actually remembered that? JESUS. i mean, after she so GRACIOUSLY GREETED ME with a "ah, just the one i was looking for", SPOILING my DAY with her unwanted and sudden appearance (technically with her width, "sudden" is not in her vocab.) did she EXPECT me to greet her? so what, all this while she cooked up this meeting to tell me to tell the class something just to gauge my bloody reaction?????? WAH LAO. then she went on to say all sorts of the most ridiculously insane remarks i have ever heard.

lucifer: "when you see a teacher you must greet *pause, as if waiting for us to fill in the blanks. she's like bush that way, you know? the frequent pauses in speech. oh so slappable* her, right? it is a sign of *pause* respect, right? (her hands move about, not passionately, not assertively, but in sync with every pause, like she's conducting some poor demented cricket orchestra) and respect must come from the *pause* heart. it comes from the heart, right? when you greet someone, it should be automatic, from the heart, because you mean it, right? if every time you see a teacher (here she shows amusement, as if her next statement is hilarious) you have to think before you greet them, and greet them just because you're told to, then that is not respect, right? (A/N: this, though largely quoted from the great lucifer herself, has also been partly rephrased, due to this author's inability to remember speeches word for word like a tape recorder. therefore, it sounds altogether much more eloquent than lucifer's original. please do not be deceived. thank you.)"

here, mel starts to think. not that she wasn't thinking, just that she starts thinking more productively, rather than swearing. technically, since greeting teachers you respect comes from the heart, automatically, and i didn't greet her, it only goes to show that i don't respect her, which is utterly true. and this, by the way, was only proven with evidence given by lucifer herself. so applause please, everyone. i would be nastier to her if i wasn't afraid of explaining to some random counsellor why i hate her so. it's the sort of vivid disgust and repulsion that seems to affect everyone around her, and can't be put in words.

lucifer: "it must come from the heart, rather than from your *pause* mind, right? but although you respect the teacher, you cannot *pause* overdo it, right? you cannot be an apple-polisher, right? if you keep apple-polishing the teacher, that is not right, right? (here the author must confess that she has little inkling as to what lucifer says next because COME ON, APPLE-POLISHER? WHAT IN HEAVEN IS THAT? GOOD LORD. OF ALL THE GOD-FORSAKEN PHRASES, APPLE-POLISHER? GEEZ. so as far as can be gathered, lucifer goes on about polishing apples, while the part of the class that was paying attention is utterly confounded by that strange phrase.)

after much apple-polishing, lucifer moves on to a recap of the damned KP models. here, the author must again confess that though she has heard the phrase several times, she has no idea what it means, or that we were learning it in the first place. so sue me.

lucifer: "so now, let's have a recap of what we learnt last term, what did we learn? the k *pause* p *pause* model, right? and what are the five components of the kp model? (pat volunteers answers. mel goes wah lao. lucifer proceeds to DULL OUR MINDS FURTHER by asking for the definition of the damn model and asking if we upheld or demonstrated the qualities. she was greeted with stunned silence that just screamed, "what the hell. are you ACTUALLY expecting an audible answer?")

somewhere in the middle of it all she said something about having to talk to us one-on-one, something i'm sure we're all looking forward to. ho ho ho. i bet she's DYING to talk to me. i can just imagine.

lucifer: "so. melissa. (mel cringes) how have you been doing? are you paying attention in class? do you still do other homework during lessons? (here, mel will flash her most sincere sheepish grin) oh, you all never remind me ah, must change your seats, right? (here mel will panic, and will consider the option of jokingly deterring her, but realises that it will make it worse.)"

SIGH. lucifer. bane of my existence.

MATH TEST. DAMN. *mumbles about careless mistakes, misreading the question and just plain lack of luck.* ah WELL.

NO LD FOR ME TODAYYYYY!!!! WAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA. thank god for small roles. OUT OF THE PAN ICH GOOT. TRES BIEN. RAFFLES CITY, BASEMENT, NEXT TO FOUNTAIN. GO GO GO!!! DOUBLE SCIENCES RULE. WOOT. volleyball is fun. cept for bruising. but fun. pe maths chinese tomr. not that bad. surds is rather enjoyable, really. XP

OH. OH. THE TRUMAN SHOW. it's the epitome of conspiracy theories. never, EVER allow me to watch this kind of show. i will be shivering in constant terror and babbling on about the world coming to an end for MONTHS. HOW COULD THEY BE SO CRUEL TO HIM? like. imagine. your whole world is false! no one REALLY likes you, they just act. it's sad. and cruel. if, like, on a slightly smaller scale, something that you believed to be true all your life, like, a fundamental theological belief or something, maybe religion, is revealed to be false, and everyone knew this but you! it'd be like, "luke, i am your father". like, what the hell my dad is the most evil guy in the universe? it kinda shakes you, what you build yourself on. like, your mom tells you you were adopted, or she had sex with some random guy and your dad ain't your dad but he doesn't know or something like MAN. you know. it shakes you.

awwwww right! i dunno i just had to say that. MANN. ONE WEEK AND ALREADY 3 PTS. WOOT. csi season five was great. fantastic. new spin. man i think tarantino's made a difference. and. after watching ch5 csi i really miss the old, dna greg even more! *sobs* he's just so funny in tuesday's epi and when you compare it to the get-down-to-business-w/o-wisecracks greg now, it's just sad. like, all about his papa olaf and the hydraulics. *snigger* wahahhahahahahaa. and they;re trying to replace greg with hodges, like how he was fixing the pipes and hit his head. though i must admit he's doing it pretty well but NOOOOOOOOOOO. WE MUST HATE HODGES. HE'S NASTY. HE CARED NOT WHEN GREG WAS BLASTED THROUGH THE GLASS OF THE DNA LAB. poor dear greg.

poor dear bree. she's not "cheating" on purpose, and after edie (with a surprising, but not very unexpected show of wisdom) pointed out that she talks so freely with george she really went and tried to talk to rex! and nasty, insensitive rex! grr. john is so nice. and gabrielle wore padme earrings! (pink) hmmm.

it's 22:03. time to post this and SLEEP, ready to wake up bright and early to read magician's gambit (remy!), third in the belgariad! just found the part where belgarion tries to lift the rock. WAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA. pre-industrial rev people can be so funny. well. they SEEM pre-industrial rev. from what we've done in class it seems most fantasy books are set in the pre-indus age. eddings, tolkien, tamora pierce and i have no idea who else. but the thing is: when there's a prophecy (e.g. belgariad) people set out to fulfill it. then. well. it's a prophecy, right? so technically, it should happen whether you want it to or not, with or without action from you towards the cause. so. then. if everyone tries to work towards making the prophecy come true, then technically, i can say anything, call it a prophecy, and people will work towards it anyway, making it come true. so. prophesying wouldn't be foretelling the future, now then, would it?